confessions of a broken heart

Ü

2007-12-10T05:15:00.000-08:00

hope

2007-10-21T01:51:00.000-07:00

there's this feeling in me that keeps me hoping
hoping that someday, all my dreams would finally come true

and i am thankful that it is what's keeping me stay happy

but then, with what's happening right now, hoping just makes it harder for me
to forget the love that will never be...forcing me to live a life of false hopes and illusions.

i hate how much i love you...but i just can't let you go...

2007-08-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

2007-08-09T06:16:00.001-07:00

i need to feel you. i need to hear you.

you are my purpose. you are my everything.

2007-08-04T04:35:00.000-07:00

i think... im falling in love again. yeah. maybe...with you.

Foooood

2007-04-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

It may not show with how I look, but I actually love food. With just the right amount of money, I can survive the day with a full stomach. I really love eating food, especially the ones I like. A perfect day for me would be one (in a beach) with lots of food. I can imagine myself eating after waking up, before swimming, after swimming, while walking along the beach or when watching the sun set. The thought is just so divine that I couldn't ask for anything better. Just yesterday, on one of my unplanned adventures to the beautiful place of Ever Commonwealth, I felt like having a food trip. With just P200, i was able to satisfy my craving. I bought fries with ranch dip from NYFD (P60), beef tapa with egg and rice (P39) from an unknown restaurant, 4 pieces lumpiang shanghai and burger steak with rice from Jollibee (P39), creamy corn ice mix from Mcdo (P35) and fish balls (P20). I wanted to buy sisig from Sisig Hooray and Banofee Pie from Starbucks, but I left my wallet at home. So, with my money gone and my stomach full, i headed for home and ended the day with my favorite: Reese's Peanut Buter Cups!

When He Loved Me

2007-04-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful

Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart

And when he was sad, I was there to dry his tears

And when he was happy, so was i, when he loved me.

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all

Just he and I together, like it was meant to be

And when he was lonely, I was there to comfort him

And I knew that he loved me.

So the years went by, I stayed the same

And he began to drift away, I was left alone

Still I waited for the day, when he’d say "i will always love you."

Lonely and forgotten, never thought he’d look my way,

He smiled at me and held me, just like he used to do,

Like he loved me, when he loved me

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,

Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart

When he loved me.

For The Better

2007-04-15T04:35:00.000-07:00

AYOKO NA...feeling ko, pinaparusahan na ako ni papa chesus for being soo evil. tila walang katapusan ang pagdating ng kamalasan sa aking buhay. am i really that bad?

Sorry na kung lagi kong nilalait ang mga mahihirap.

Sorry na rin kung lagi ko na lang inaasar si manny pacquiao. after watching his match kanina and listening to his post-victory interview, i realized that he is not that bad after all. well, wala nga siyang looks and his english sucks..pero kung ginagawa niya ang lahat para lang makatulong sa mga mahihirap, then he deserves all the glory in the world.

Sorry na rin kung chat ako nang chat sa net...haha! i'm just so desperate looking for love such that napabayaan ko na ang sarili kong health staying up sooo late in morning everyday.

I am also sorry for being so mayabang..all the while, i thought na nasa itaas ako. i thought i was that good and everything. pero, in reality, i am a nobody. i am just an average student/teenager who needs to work hard if i want to get what i want and succeed in life.

I just hope that all this bad luck would stop already...I am really really sorry for letting pride, and greed and all the evil stuff in the world take over my life. I want to go back to the good me... I hope that I could change for the better...

You Are Like So Ewwe

2007-04-15T04:10:00.001-07:00

Kadire. Nanginginig ako sa sobrang pandidiri. Becky! Kopas methods perfected?! Ugh!

This is not bitterness...or envy.

I just don't like you.

Summer So Far

2007-04-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

My summer so far is like so boring...and something's wrong with that coz summers are supposed to be fun. I spent my first week of vacation playing dota with the beckys in katipunan. Sounds fun but playing the same game everyday makes it not so exciting anymore. So, the beckys and I started experimenting with new games like War Hammer and Element TD, which are tower defense-strategy-sort-of games. They're fun but we're always so waley coz they're so difficult to finish! Even impossible coz the bosses are really hard to beat! Well, at least, we get to see some chippys (AEGAEGAEGAEG!!) and that makes the whole experience worthwhile.

Losing a phone, especially during summer also sucks big time!!!! When people plan gimiks, they usually text the details. But how am I supposed to get those if I don't have a phone yet. I spent the first few days of the Holy Week in Makati to look for a new phone. It's good that we have a condo nearby too coz life in Makati is so much better than life in QC. The nights are cooler and I get to spend time alone walking in Greenbelt. Sounds boring, but my real purpose is to look for a potential "prince" who would complete my life...COZ I'M REALLY THAT DESPERATE! But the guys there are so far to reach! There are a lot of beckys too! As in the malalandi ones...and I don't like that! Going back to my phone...Another reason why I don't have a phone yet is because I'm so maarte in choosing the right phone! It needs to have a calendar, a notepad, a huge memory to store my numerous messages and pictures and an mp3 player (which my previous phone didn't have) And, I'm also choosy when it comes to the sim card coz i don't want my number to start with a 0906 anything similar to that coz I find them cheap. I want the 0917s or the 0927s or 0916s, and nothing more. hahaha. SO, it's also my fault for not having a new phone yet. And I have to save pa if I want a sosyal phone. hehe.

So there, my blog's alive again and I hope that YOU have fun. Enjoy! As for my summer, I just hope that things would become better...and the heat!!!! Well, i hope that it doesn't kill me :P

Goodbye Phone

2007-04-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

Yestarday night, i lost my phone in some bar along makati ave. It was supposed to be a night of fun and kopas, pero it all ended with a big waley. Some guy stole it from my pocket, and it was impossible for me to notice becoz the event in that place attracted a whole lot of peeps. There was literally no space for moving; thus a slight movement in my pocket area or anywhere else would totally be unnoticeable.

I loved that Nokia 6600 phone. I got it from a deal with my dad. It was my dream phone back then, and my dad and I agreed that if I passed the ACET, I would get that for free. It had pictures of myself and my friends, messages from very special people and a whole lot more. But now, it's all gone..

Kaya fuck that bitch thief and his group for stealing my phone and all the other phones from last night. Just because I look innocent and weak does not give them the right to take advantage of me. I hope they burn in hell. I hope bad luck will come their way. I want them to die.

A Time For Spells

2007-02-11T03:11:00.000-08:00

You might think I'm crazy if i say that I can use magic. But because of recent events, I think I really can use magic. It's not David Blaine magic or Houdini Magic but more of Charmed magic. It's not a special kind where I can like freeze time or orb objects anywhere. It's more of verbal spells...a specific one too. I think I have the power to make missing objects reappear.

Honestly, I really don't know how I do it. After saying/performing the spell, missing objects start showing themselves after a few days. So far, I have already done several successful finding spells. I discovered my special ability last year when I lost my cellphone while going home from school. That same night, someone sent me a text message saying that he found my phone and that he would return it to me the next day. After that event, more followed. I used it when I lost my ID when i was in Eastwood. After three days, ADSA called me saying that Gerry's Grill along Libis found my ID infront of their restaurant. I also used it when a friend of mine lost his ID. I think he found it after a week. Then lately, my mom misplaced an envelope containing a huge amount of money. That same day, she found it somewhere...

So, there you go. It's up to you whether you see it as mere coincidence or sheer luck. But for me, I like to believe that there are a lot of things in this world that you can't explain...and my ability to find missing objects is just one of them. :) So, if you find yourself in the same situation, just buzz me or message me haha, and let's hope that you find your missing object. :P

2007-01-13T01:46:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Good General

2006-12-26T23:55:00.000-08:00

Know what, i feel sad and disappointed right now. our long-time neighbor, Gen. Melivo just passed away due to aneurysm. i feel sad because he has always been there for my family ever since we first settled in this village. I remember this story that he gave us a whistle when we were young so that we could use it in times of danger, to call his attention. He, together with Lola Basing are like my second grandparents even though we don't get to spend time with each other. I always feel safe when they're around. I will remember him as the person who really loves his plants. Like me, he also has a green thumb. He would wake up at 4 am or even earlier just to water his plants beside my room.

I also feel disappointed because he died not just of aneurysm, but also because of our neighborhood's doing. Lagi na lang siya mediator sa mga away dito sa village. People in my village are quarelling right now because of financial, environmental and many more petty issues. Why can't they all just work together and leave the people in charge to do the work. I hate the new neighbors for interfering a lot with village matters even though they just moved in here. I hate the noisy neighbors for not shutting their mouths everytime a meeting comes up to discuss matters in a proper way. What do they want with those stupid positions anyway. I know there's money involved pero ewan. I just don't get people and money and greed and power. Why can't everyone just work together...hindi na sana nangyari toh. Well, I hope he's happy right now kung saan man siya. At least, wala na siya iisipin na problema...Pero kahit na! He would've done a lot more for our village.

Falling Again II (Sorry for the mix-up)

2006-11-28T21:53:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if you guys remember the dance or kiss entry. If you do, then i have an update to make. Right now, I'd go for the KISS. I dunno why i changed my mind. Maybe I just don't feel "the DANCE" anymore. I mean, he's with someone else already. He's changed too...I dunno. When we see each other in school, I just don't feel the magic anymore. No more sparks or awkward moments. All the butterflies have gone to somewhere else too. I know I miss him. He was my first love after all. But it's all too complicated. We've talked about it in the past and it hurt so much. But I got to accept it someway, somehow.

But now, I'm starting to fall for "the KISS" once again, meaning this is not the first time. I don't know why he keeps popping into my head every single moment of my life. I always feel this glow of warmth just thinking of him. We weren't close at all when we were classmates in high school. He was always with the "cool" guys while i was with the brainy ones. It was only in college when we became close. After all these years being single and lonely, he came into my life and made me feel special. Some may say that he does that to everybody, but I don't care. He's so nice, and caring, and thoughtful and loving to me. I thought we had something going on, so I kept up with him...until one day, he slowly drifted away. We never watched a movie together since then. He never texted, asking where I was or if I was playing dota. And it hurt me so much because like I said, I thought we had something going on. But I was wrong. I'm so stupid to think that it was possible for us to be together. I felt so sad and depressed after we talked about our present relationship. Why only now when I had already fallen in love with him? But then, I realized that it was also my fault. He had already warned me back then not to give in to my feelings. But I guess, my feelings got the most out of me, and so I continued on. But after I felt that he was slowly drifting away, I had nothing to do but accept the fact that some things will never be. And so I myself started to avoid him. I did't want my feelings for him to come back ever again because my agony would only get worse. I really loved him, and I think severing our connection as friends was the best thing to do. But once again, I was wrong. I only felt worse not being with him. I couldn't stand not hearing is voice or not getting a text message from him. But after a while, my feelings for him suddenly just vanished.

But now, I don't know what came to me. I'm falling for him once again. I never wanted him to be my classmate, but he was the one who insisted, and so i gave in. And a while ago, even just the simplest of gestures, and having the chance to be with him once again awakened the feelings that I was able to supress back then...

I really love him. There is nothing for me but to love him. In fact, I love him even more than ever...

Happy Feet

2006-11-27T20:58:00.000-08:00

Two days ago, us Blow friends (Jojo, Kalvin, Eds, Migui, Tim, Nyko, AJ) got together once again after a very stressfull and tiring week. Here's a list of what we did that night.

1. We ate in this cheapay food stall somewhere in the less sosyal part of eastwood. Eds and I shared one order of chicksilog kasi may two chicken parts na and two rice in one meal for only P65.

2. We watched this dance competition in eastwood, with La Salle and Ateneo competing to claim a cash prize (I think) and a trophy. Ateneo won. :) But before that, there was also a fashion show with some atenistas in it. Some were from La Salle and other schools. (I think (>.<)) AT, ang daming chippy! (H*B*!!!)

3. I was separated from the rest of the beckys because I saw Jaron, Marlon, Jery, Ana so I decided to go with them. Konting bonding, then Ean arrived with si gurl. Tapos waley so I left. While I was looking for the other beckys, someone texted me. I thought it was one of them beckys but instead, it was from Ms. Siega, my high school Physics teacher. She said, "Erwin, I saw you just now. Sino kasama mo?" I then replied, "Gurl, asan ka gurl.Ü" She replied, "Hindi ako si gurl. Ako si Ms. Siega.Ü" Hahahaha. Na-waley ako so I replied in a more repectful manner. Tapos ayun, she said na lang that I keep quiet and not tell anyone that she was there...But it was already too late.

4. We watched Happy Fee-at. Ang cute ng movie! The songs were well sung and I especially loved the scene when the male emperor penguins were singing out throughout the evening blizzard. The best talaga! Ang ganda pa ng effects! But most of all, ang Über cute ni Mumble!!!

5. We ended at around 1 am. Tim went somewhere else at never na namin siya nakita. We ate in KFC and decided to go home after the evening snack. By that time, we realized that waley na kaming anda pabalik sa Katip. Honestly, waley na talaga ako. Just not sure about the others so we decided to walk na lang for a short while palabas ng eastwood just in case someone offers to ride a cab to Katipunan when we reach the highway. BUT NO, everyone remained strong hanggang sa NILAKAD NA NAMIN ANG BUONG WAY PABALIK SA KATIPUNAN. As in dumaan na kami sa ilalim ng tulay hanggang sa umabot na kami sa flyover hanngang sa katipunan. At hindi siya nakakapagod, I'm telling you. Hahaha. In fact, it's a nice way of bonding with your friends. So ayun, we walked for one hour, from 1 am to 2 am hanggang sa nakarating na rin kami at last sa Katips. We went straight to Him5 coz Nigel and John were waiting for us there. We then went up to Drews to celebrate this seemingly impossible feat of walking from Eastwood to Katipunan. Ganda!!! Happy talaga ang feet namin sa paglalakad!

Halo-halo

2006-11-20T22:00:00.000-08:00

☼ Putragis yan oh. Nanalo na naman ang unggoy. Pero okay lang. Wala na akong pakialam. At least, mayaman na siya at matutulungan na niya ang Pilipinas someway, somehow. Sana naman, bigyan niya ako ng kahit konting pera. Pinagdasal ko naman na manalo siya eh.

☼ Putragis yan oh. Bagsak na naman ako sa chem. SW lang pero feeling ko, waley na na naman ako. Putragis naman kasi yung dala kong calculator. Magpaka-scientific lang, hindi pa magawa. Hahaha. At, wala pa akong friendships. Kanino ako mangongopya?! Magpapaka-mimi na lang ba ako hanggang matapos ang sem? Isang malaking waley!

☼ Spanish was fun. I studied over the weekend so medyo magaling ako kanina. Eco was fun too. Sobrang dali talaga magbigay ng quiz si Simon-King. Sana ma-A ko ang eco102 this sem. At, nagulat na lang ako kasi biglang may tumatawag sa cellphone ko. Pagkatingin ko, si Nigel. Si Nigel tumatawag sa akin?! Anyway, dota raw.

☼ Dota was fun too. Medyo nag-uusap na kami ni CJ.Ü At, akala ko waley Venomancer ko. But NO. 4th place pa ako. ehehe. Thanks to CJ for coming to the rescue.

☼ Hindi ko talaga ma-explain ang mga becky nowadays. Nung weekend lang, parang lahat na ata na nakasama ay gusto makahada. Tapos kanina sa school, shigela na naman mga becky. Halos lahat, naghahanap ng pwedeng hadain. Hahaha. Casual na eh. Tila may Hada Season ang mga becky! Kahit mga panaginip ko kagabi at nung isang gabi, puro hada. Hada na lang ng hada. Hahaha.

Chemically Disappointed

2006-11-18T00:39:00.000-08:00

First quiz in Chem7 today, and I was hoping that I would get a high score. But no! Instead of doing good in the test, I failed it. Damn it, shit! It's only the start of the semester, and I'm already failing one of my subjects. Remember, one F and waley! If only i had a chem book, I would've passed and perfected the exam. If only I knew anyone from my chem block, I would've borrowed a book to review for just a short while. But it's hard, being the person that I am. Everything's so new and I don't even have one anyone to help me with adjusting to my new course. I'm thankful that I got block L2 for my zoo block coz. At least, I know Nigel. His blockmates also seem nice so I think there wouldn't be any problems with adjusting. But what I really need are friends from my chem block. Chem's a difficult subject, and there's a big possibility that I would get kicked out of Bio if i fail it. And because of this fact, I really need to meet new people as soon as possible. But how can I do that if I'm the one with the problem? I just hope somebody from my chem block would talk to me or sit beside me. Or kung waley talaga, I hope that I would find the courage to approach other people...before it's too late.

1st Day

2006-11-13T23:10:00.000-08:00

First day of the second sem as a bio student turned out to be quite okay.
> Th121 with Ms. Yecla as my teacher? So far, so good. A few familiar faces pero at least, they're still my batchmates. Bonded with Chino Copuyoc (haha!) the whole period. We wanted sana to transfer to a later class of the same teacher pero ang bitchy ng secretary ng theo dept. at hindi kami pinayagan. Kaya we plan to talk to Ms. Yecla personally for internal arrangements.
> Chem7 was fun, except that I didn't know anyone from my block becoz puro bio freshies. I sat at the back with no one beside me...but still, I enjoyed the first meeting coz my classmates kept on joking about each other. AND, ang daming chippy like Mike Mendoza and this cute chinito guy infront of me. The teacher seemed nice too so I think there wouldn't be any problems regarding the class.
> Spanish class was really really fun. Pero it seemed scary at first because the moment my teacher (Heide Aquino) entered the room, she spoke in Spanish kaagad, at wala akong alam sa mga pinagsasabi niya. But then, towards the end, it turned out that she was just preparing us OR giving us an idea of what to expect about the class. Personality-wise, she's a nice teacher. So I hope I get a high grade for Spanish class. There were also a few familiar faces so I think I could work with that.
> I got Simon-King for my Ec102 class. Mukha naman siyang mabait at magaling like what people say pero may pagka-weirda. My classmates from my nat. sci zoo class were also there so at least, may kakilala ako. AT, may chippy rin pero hindi ko na sasabihin kung sino. Like Spanish, I also hope to get a high grade in this class kasi sabi ng iba, A-able naman. I just have to work hard for it..

a natural glow

2006-11-11T11:05:00.001-08:00

You could say that having a complexion which can be compared to that of a dead person, plus very dark eye bags and a skinny build is sufficient enough for me to join a halloween party without the costume, make-up and other paraphernalia. However, instead of "dressing up" for this event only once every year, I think I'm going overboard by having this same old funny look every damn single day. A couple of months ago, my tita from the states came here to visit us for just a short while. And shempre, she brought with her a lot of pasalubong for us natives. Every time, she would give out jerseys (for my brothers), pokemon merchandise (you know who), tees, bags, chocolates, golf merchandise for my dad and a lot of perfumes and other beauty products for my mom. Then, from the corner of my eye, I saw this product from my mom's mound of goodies, which gave me a sparkle of hope for this unrelenting dilemma of mine. It's a moisturizer from Jergens, the new Natural Glow FACE Daily Moisturizer, which promises to "create a healthy, summer glow all year long just by moisturizing." Moreover, it contains essential moisturizers and a subtle skin darkening complex which helps you reach you maximum intensity of color after about one week of daily use. It was only last week when I decided to use the product and today is the sixth day since I first applied the moisturizer. Last night, I came from Tantan's celebration of his birthday last November 9 and finally, may nakapansin na rin sa aking pagbabago. I was filled with happiness when Martin Caste said that my face had started to tan and it radiated a beautiful and subtle glow. At last, I found a partial solution to my problem and I am very thankful to my tita, AND my mom for giving me some of her beauty products.

it's bio time

2006-11-10T14:57:00.000-08:00

oh shit. classes on monday, and i'm not even sure if i'm ready for what bs bio has to offer. one F, and waley! i'm not even in good terms with chem! 4-hour lab class for zoo? i can't even stand 2 hours of regular zoo lab infront of a microscope. i should bring Biogesic every Thursday if ever my migraine decides to attack. and i don't even know anyone from the lower batch! paano ako kokopya?! at least, there's inspiration lurking around. haaay, i can do this.

happy ending?

2006-10-25T03:01:00.000-07:00

what was supposed to be a night of happy endings turned into a night of confusion and disappoinment. i witnessed before my very eyes the transformation of the people whom i once held very close to my heart. it was a very frightening experience for me because i wasn't expecting them to be like that. an ominous laughter filled the entire room, a type of laughter which emanated not warmth, but that of sheer terror which alarmed me the most. I thought i knew these people very well. But I was wrong. It was a memorable night, not worth remembering at all.

a kiss or a dance

2006-10-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

Some people say dreams show us our deepest desires. since we can't express those feelings of longing, of yearning infront of the people we love, our unconscious materializes these desires in the form of dreams. in the past, i dreamt about a kiss, and then a dance. right now, i'd go for the dance...

A Walk in the Woods

2006-07-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

Psych tests are fun and so exciting. In class we were given a test called A Walk in the Woods. It's just a short test wherein the teacher would ask some questions and then you would simply write down your answers in a sheet of paper. Here is the test. Answer it if you want...

A Walk in the Woods!
A Personality Quiz. Have a pen and paper handy before you read any further. As soon as you read a question, write the answer right away. Read the following questions, imagining the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do NOT think about the questions excessively.
Ready?
1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with?
2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your Dream House. Describe its size.
5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining table. Describe what you see on the table.
7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of?
8. What do you do with the cup?
9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is is it?
10. How will you cross the water?

Now, I will share my answers (well, some of them since some are too personal)
1. SECRET
2. A wolf
3. I approach the wolf
4. It's a small house. The size of a tree house or bigger, but not too big)
5. It's not surrounded by a fence
6. I see a flower vase
7. It's made of porcelain
8. I leave it alone
9. It's a stream
10. Walk across

Now, the analysis part.
1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life.
2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.
3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems (passive, aggressive).
4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.
5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence is more indicative of a closed personality. You'd prefer people to not drop by unannounced.
6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers then you are generally unhappy.
7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with, the person from number 1. For example, Styrofoam, plastic, and paper are disposable; Styrofoam, paper, and glass (ceramics) are not durable; and metal and plastic are durable.
8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude toward the person in number 1.
9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.

Interpretation
1. Not anymore. A thing in the past...
2. Wolf - not small, but not that big.
3. I approach the wolf - I am aggressive towards my problems
4. It's a small house. The size of a tree house or bigger, but not that big) - hala. not true. i don't want to have problems!
5. It's not surrounded by a fence - I'm an open person!
6. A flower vase - I'm a happy person!? Kinda, but lately, most of the time, I'm not...
7. Porcelain- not durable... :(
8. I leave the cup alone - Passive relationship with... :(
9. A stream - hahaha. kinda true. but it depends. :))
10. I just walk across - sex life not that important. Hmmm...true. More of LOVE...:)

karma moves in mysterious ways

2006-06-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

hay nako. totoo pala talaga ang karma. like today, twice akong kinarma dahil ata may masama akong nagawa. Pero ang alam ko, wala naman akong ginawang masama to anyone. Masama ba akong tao? hindi naman diba? Anyway, it started with my mom kanina on our way home from my grandparents' place. Nagmumudal kasi si ganda kasi raw, hindi man lang binuksan ng pudra ko yung gift niya for fathers day. Eh ako naman, naasar lang ako dahil salita na lang siya nang salita about not showing appreciation blah blah blah. Naalala ko tuloy yung isa kong friend na nagmumudal din nung isang araw because hindi ata nakapag-thank you yung isa niyang friend na binigyan niya ng regalo. Anway, going back to my story, so ayun..sinabi ko lang naman yung mga nararamdaman ko about their situation. I told her that hindi lahat ng gusto niya ang nangyayari. Not everything is about her and that for sure, may reasons naman ang pudra ko for not opening the gift. So ayun, natahimik ang mudra ko. After a few minutes, bigla na lang niya ako pinagalitan about going home late last night. May debut kasi akong pinuntahan at 2 am at nag-taxi lang ako pauwi from Katipunan. Eh ang alam ng dad ko, may mga kasabay ako pauwi..meron nga pero hanggang North Susana lang. Anyway, nasabihan tuloy ako ng iba't ibang remarks like wrong move, pati you're so stupid blah blah blah. ganda ko kasi...

Next naman ay yung sa kuya ko. I was planning to buy my notebooks for school na kanina sa isang mini-bookstore sa may amin pero i decided na sa Natio Katip na lang kasi mas kumpleto if ever may bibilhin pa ako aside from my notebooks. Bigla na lang niya hinirit, "Bakit sa Katips pa. Gusto mo lang sa sa Natio Katips kasi sossy/sosyal." After niya sinabi yun, ang daming thoughts na pumasok sa utak ko about kung ano ang pwede sagutin. Here they are:

1. Galing ah. Alam mo feelings ko? Ang dami mo sigurong alam kaya incoming 2nd year ka pa lang like me.
2. Sosyal na pala para sayo ang National Bookstore. Ganda mo eh.
3. Natio Katip? Sosyal? Mahirap ka, mahirap, mahirap!

So ayun, pinili ko yun una. Eh narinig ng dad ko kaya once again, napagalitan na naman ako. Na-hiritan pa ako ng bading ng kuya ko. Eh ano ngayon?! Haay...karma talaga. so mysterious and so cruel. Pero carry lang. At least, I'm still here to write about it. Thank you na lang kay Papa Chesus na hindi ako namatay dahil sa karma...1,2,3 baboo.

away na naman

2006-04-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

hay nako. eto na naman tayo. nag-uunahan na naman ang gma at abs-cbn sa pagakyat sa mount everest. ang hindi ko lang magets, bakit ba, if ever you're not busy copying each other's shows, ay dadalhin niyo ang away niyo sa tuktok ng mundo by being a burden to the original climbers of the mountain. lagi na lang nag-uunahan sa latest na happening which is so nakakairita. Don't be inconsiderate naman oh. Pabigat lang kayo if ever, I'm telling you. I know, mas maganda kung may coverage yung event kasi one time big time toh. Pero if ever nalaman ko na kahit dyan ay dadalhin niyo ang away niyo, ipapagdasal ko talaga na sana masira lahat ng equipment niyo. i wont wish na sana may mamamatay dahil parang ang sama ko naman. sana lang, stay away from crucial moments in history which might endanger the lives of the people concerned kasi you're not doing any good at all.

so fragile

2006-04-16T04:23:00.000-07:00

natuwa naman ako kanina sa sarili ko. kasi naman, kanina ko lang na-realize ang aking tunay na weakness. If humihina si Superman sa kryptonite (tama ba spelling), isang blow lang sa ulo ko, deadsu na ako. well, hindi naman talaga deadsu...mahihimatay lang naman ako ehehe. Eh baliw naman kasi kuya ko. he was playing basketball at naisipan niyang i-chest pass ang ball sa akin. (in fairness, alam ko ang chest pass. na-ateneo basketball center lang naman ako). Nakaupo lang naman ako sa may garden at binato ba naman niya ang bola sa ulo ko. eh di ayun, nahimatay ako ehehe. it all started when i was still a child. i was 4 years old back then when i bumped my head sa coffee table namin. so ayun, nagka-blood clot sa brain ako. buti na lang, nawala dahil tinanggal daw ni jesus christ. so thanks a lot. but no. may downside. magkaka-migraine lang naman ako everytime matatamaan ulo ko. kung napalakas ang pagtama, baka deadsu na siguro ang aabutin ko. ahehe. wala lang. share share lang. kaya kayo, kung may balak kayong tamaan ako dahil may nagawa ako sa inyo or whatever, wag lang sa ulo ha. ;)

Me & My Big MOUTH

2006-04-08T14:29:00.000-07:00

I have decided na hindi muna ako magpapakita sa kahit kanino sa Katipunan. Something happened and I admit, kasalanan ko ang lahat. Kaya sorry talaga sa mga taong concerned. I will take a break muna to get away from it all. I just hope that everything will be fine and that friendships will be rekindled. Until next time...

Special People

2006-03-31T13:17:00.000-08:00

I was in Katipunan again last Wednesday coz I had nothing to do at home. And as usual, I used up all my money to survive life in Katips (play dota, eat lunch and merienda and all that). But it was all so good coz I got to be with my friends again. Kahit na halos araw-araw na kaming nagkikita, fun fun pa rin coz they're a happy bunch and that's what I want. Kaya I would like to thank Edsgee, Wapow, John, Kalvin, Tim, Jojo and all the other guys for making my life a happy one. (Hahaha. Parang magpapakamatay na ako ah...) Everyone had to leave at one point so natira ako with Edsgee. We decided to eat isaw in UP para lang to kill time coz susunduin din ako nang 7 pm. After that, we went back to Katipunan, and to the computer place to surf the net and play for a while. Anyway, while I was playing, I received a text from Ean and a message from Eloy sa YM. Ean invited mo to watch a movie sa Eastwood while Eloy said the same thing. Eh wala na akong pera nun, pati I was only wearing pambahay clothes so I declined at first. Pero, after much thinking, pumayag na rin ako. I immediately called my parents to give me some money since dadaan naman talaga sila Katipunan from work. John and Edsgee pala were still playing dota so I went back to the computer place to meet with them . After a short while, Ean arrived, then, to my surprise, Anton, then Bogie, then Brad, then Francis, and finally Eloy. We also played for a while kaya ayun. We left at around 10 pm coz 10:30 yung last show ng Ice Age 2. Hindi na rin pala sumama si Anton so ayun. Pagdating namin sa Eastwood, nandun din pala sina Jaron at Marlon. We immediately bought the tickets at ayun, movie time. The movie was hilarious. The characters (well, most of them) were all so cute. I especially enjoyed the part when the sloth was kidnapped by little sloths. Laugh-trip talaga yung part na yun. Ang cute pa ng kanta nila. Anyway, when the movie ended, we decided to eat breakfast (kasi 12 am na) sa Something Fishy. While we were walking, I saw Mikko, Martin and AJ...my friends sa college. They came from a party so ayun. Pero sumama pa rin ako sa E...We realized after na hindi na pala kami gutom so nagkayayaan ng dota. Kaya ayun, we played hanggang 2 am tapos hinatid ako ni Eloy sa bahay. Thanks EloyThe day ended, and I was so happy that I got to be with the special people in my life.

Skibi

2006-03-28T12:32:00.000-08:00

Guys, ayan si Skibi from SKIBI"S CASTLE TD. Wala pa lang PRINCESS sa name niya. Versions lang pala si Edsgee. Haha. At, napaka-bading ng hitsura si Skibi diba! Hahaha. Kaya tamang tama talaga siya para sa mga badette. Anyway, I got to play dota again with my E classmates nung Monday. It was fun at first pero may nangyari kaya nawalan na ako ng ganang maglaro sa last game. Lotlot pa yung character ko. Lagi na lang si Tiny tuwing -ar. Pero kebs...Buti na lang, nandun din sina Edsgee sa Katipunan kaya medyo natuwa rin ako. But no! Lotlot din pala si Edsgee dahil sinasabi niyang nasa Katipunan siya pero wala naman talaga. So ayun, dumiretso ako sa Him5 gg place at nandun sina Kalvin, John, Jojo, Ardi and Dolly. Umalis kaagad si Ardi at si Jojo pagkadating ko kaya medyo nasad ako...pero keri lang. Naglaro kaagad ako at nakipaglaban kami sa mga tao doon. Nandun din pala si Marc Carbonell at nilabanan namin grupo niya. But no! Lotlot kami big time kaya umalis kami kaagad. Hahaha. Kumain muna kami nina Kalvin, Dolly at John sa Greenwich (tama ba spelling ko?!) at nag-reminisce kami about our HS lives and other stuff like past badettes and all that. After nun, nag-gg kami ulit pero this time, nag-SKIBI"S CASTLE TD na kami! But no! The first few rounds, lotlot kami kasi walang strategy! As in sigaw na kami nang sigaw ng ATE! MAY NAKAKALAGPAS! or PEPE! ANG DAMI NILA! Sigaw kami nang sigaw pero kebs haha. Pero sa last round, bumawi na kami. The last time I played the game with some folks (edsgee, wapow and john), umabot lang kami sa wave 12 ata or 15. But I'm zoreh! Umabot kami ng wave 20 this time at ate, napakahirap nang i-defend ng castle ni Skibi! Pero keri lang sa amin. At least, may strategy na kami. At, tuwing lotlot at nasa-sad kami sa GG, at least, may SKIBI'S CASTLE TD na para maalis ang aming paghihinagpis.

Fun fun fun

2006-03-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

You know, I think I have super powers. Well, hindi naman super. Bionic lang talaga siguro yung eye sight ko. As in, I'm telling you. Nasa Sec A ako one time with Ean, tapos kitang kita from our place yung dulo ng sec walk. Diba parang C-shape yung sec. Basta so ayun. Nandun kami sa may sec a tapos parang nakita ko si Pobbes sa may kabilang dako. So lumapit kami tapos ayun, si Pobbes nga. Tapos kahapon lang, nasa 7-11 ako sa may Burgundy. As in kumakain ako sa loob with Edsgee. Napatingin ako sa labas kasi wala lang tapos parang nakita ko yung car ni Jom na dumaan sa Katipunan. Tinext ko siya kaagad kung siya ba yun so ayun...siya nga! Haha. Wala lang.

---

I was in Katipunan the whole day yesterday. Actually, hindi naman whole day. Half day lang kasi dumating ako around 1 pm. Tinext kasi ako ni Wapow na gg (dota) daw. So ayun. Dumiretso muna ako sa starbucks kasi nandun daw sina Edsgee at Wapow. Nandun din pala si Nyko so ayun. Uhm, hindi muna kami nag-gg kasi sinamahan muna namin si Nyko sa Gateway para bumili ng long sleeves niya para sa grad mass. After namin bumili, bumalik na kami sa Katipunan para mag-gg. Iniwan pala kami ni Wapow kasi may pinuntahan pa siya. Si Nyko naman, umuwi na. So naiwan ako with Edsgee. Pumunta muna kami sa 7-11 para kumain. We bought pandesal and tuna at doon namin kinain! We spent like P40 lang at busog na kami! After that, dumiretso na kami sa Hims (gg place). Pagdating namin, kakarating din lang din Wapow. Nag-member kami sa gg place (P100) tapos gg naa! We played muna vs AI kasi tatlo lang kami. Ayun, nanalo kami. Tapos, na-bore kami so we decided to play a new game. At doon namin nakilala si PRINCESS SKIBI's CASTLE TD! The best talaga yung game pero napakahirap! Castle defense siya basically pero may mga mini games na sobrang nakakaaliw! Favorite ko yung Catch the Fishies kung saan penguin ka at manghuhuli ka lang ng mga isda! The best talaga! Haha. Tapos dumating na rin sina Kalvin at Tim at John so gg na ulit. Nung umalis na sila, kami na lang nina John, Wapow at Edsgee ang natira. Kumain muna kami sa 7-11 ng dinner tapos we decided to play PRINCESS SKIBI"S CASTLE TD again sa may LC. So ayun, lotlot ulit kasi napakahirap talaga. And as usual, nandun ulit sa LC sina Jan Aguila atbp. Wala lang. Naglaro kami hanggang 11 pm tapos uwi. Naubos talaga anda ko pero the best talaga ang PRINCESS SKIBI"S CASTLE TD! At, may natutunan pa kaming bagong hirit care of Wapow and Edsgee. And here it goes. Nagmamakataas ka na naman. Tandaan mo: Nagmula ka sa lupa at sa lupa ka rin babalik! Hindi siya nakakatuwang pakinggan dito pero kung marinig mo sila ay matutuwa ka talaga. So ayun. Nag-jeepas kami ni Wapow pauwi at natapos ang araw.

Maleh! Maling Maleh!

2006-03-01T19:03:00.000-08:00

Hay nako. I hate it! Nakakairita talaga today. Peste talaga mga batang pulube sa Katipunan! Lagi na lang sila PESTE! Ninakaw ba naman nila yung Basta Ikaw Luke pin ko. Ang alam ko, nakalagay pa siya sa bag ko before ako tumaas sa overpass. Pagkababa ko, wala na!!! And I'm sure na hindi nahulog yon kasi ninakaw siya ng isa sa mga pesteng pulube sa overpass! Nako talaga. Pin na nga lang, nanakawin pa. Poor talaga! As in POOR NA POOR to the highest level! Poor na nga, dirty pa. Ang papangit pa ng ugali I swear. Dati pa talaga mga yan. As in lagi na lang inaaway mga badette! Hay nako. Buti nga nasa tabi-tabi lang kayo! Mga pulube! Hay nako. Kung naaawa kayo sa kanila, wag kayong maawa! Masama silang lahat! Kung kayo manakawan, you'd also feel the same! Pero syempre, hindi magpapahuli mga batang yagit ng UP shopping center. Last saturday, ang saya-saya ko na habang kumakain ng isaw with my friends hanggang sa dumating mga batang yagit! As in hindi lang isa! COME ONE, COME ALL! Nakakairita talaga. Alam mo yung sarap na sarap ka na sa kinakain mo tapos lalapit sila bigla para lang humingi ng foodams! At kung hindi ka pumayag, hindi ka nila titigilan as in! "Kuya, akin na lang blah blah blah" Shet kayong lahat. Ako naman, para lang lumayo sila (at ang dudumi pa nila! As in DIRTY!), eh binigay ko yung pagkain ko. Hay nako. Poor talaga! Ang dami na lang poor dito sa Pilipinas! Nakakainis!! Poor here, poor there, poor people everywhere. I hate it!

At dahil ayaw ko pang tumigil, ibubuhos ko naman ang galit ko sa mga walang kwentang tao dito sa mundo. At isa na si Manny Paqwhatever. Hindi naman sa galit ako sa kanya. Naiirita lang talaga ako sa commercial ng NO FEAR. Okay na sana si manny kung hindi lang siya MUKHANG UNGGOY. Ang sagwa talaga tingnan. Buti pa si Brian Viloria. May face value na nga, marunong pang mag-english. Si Manny naman, ginawa pang commentator sa match ni Brian, hindi naman makapagsalita ng maayos or diretsong english. Hindi rin talaga siya meant maging commentator so mali talaga ang kinalabasan.

At sa Pilipinas na lang, lagi na lang may nagra-rally. Lagi na lang ang daming nagrereklamo...At isa na ako doon. Pero paanong hindi magrereklamo kung ang dami naman talagang mali na nangyayari. POOR TALAGA. POOR! MALI! MALING MALEH!

it is time...

2006-02-19T21:13:00.000-08:00

in life, we have to accept things even if we don't want to...It will only make things more difficult if we refuse to accept that some things will never be. Instead, it will be better if we let go and move on...even if it hurts. At least, he's happy with his life now. Im also glad that he has moved on. As for myself, I just hope and pray that by letting go, I wouldn't feel bad or anything. I entered this thing, I remained faithful and did everything to make him happy. But now, he has found true happiness, and I am very very happy for him. It is time to let go...so help me God.

I love cds

2006-02-09T15:41:00.000-08:00

I’ve been on a shopping spree lately, trying to spend what’s left of my Christmas money. As much as possible, I try to buy stuff that I can use for school such as new clothes, shoes etc. But when I come face to face with these things, my mind immediately shifts to somewhere else…like the music store! And kapoosh! Kablang! Whoosh! Pow! (weh…hahaha) Lots and lots of cds for myself! Well, these are just some of the cds I own now. I have more (like 40+) but I won’t show them anymore kasi you might laugh at me pa. (You know the local movie soundtracks? Hahaha joke) But NO! I am in a STATE of EXTREME POVERTY right now dahil sa mga cds na yan. But it’s okay lang. My birthday’s coming fast and maybe, I might buy more cds! (Lalo nang malapit na lumabas yung album ni Sam Milby at yung movie na Close To You! Hahaha)

another valentines day

2006-02-04T12:15:00.000-08:00

The day of love is fast-approaching once again and as usual, it doesn't have any effect on me whatsoever. Well, honestly speaking, may konting effect lang pero alam mo yung wala pero meron naman talaga? Labo...(Sigh) There are times kasi when I also feel kinda jealous when I see couples going to the movies or kahit dinner man lang tuwing Valentines day. It's not that I'm complaining or that I feel bad that I don't have a special someone...It's just that I also want to experience the feeling when you receive flowers, or a love letter or a simple yet meaningful gift from someone you love. (i'm being gay here...haha) Ano baaaa!!! Hahaha. We all deserve to love and be loved naman diba? Pero things don't always work out the way you want them to...You just have to learn to accept facts...and realize that while some things, good things, don't last, some don't even start.

another rainy day

2006-01-26T01:57:00.000-08:00

it was raining this morning when I woke up. i wore my favorite jacket and brought my cute yellow umbrella. This has been my routine for the past few days and I was starting to get used to it. BUT NO! Evertime I start to enjoy the cool and comfy weather, sabay lalabas ang araw. Biglang iinit so useless din jacket and umbrella ko. As much as possible, ayaw ko pa naman magdala ng maraming gamit. Hay nako. Ang hirap kaya pag ang daming gamit. Wala ka nang mabubuhat na iba kasi nga may ibang hinahawakan na yung mga kamay mo. Tapos ang init pa kaya sobrang mapapawisan ka. Ayoko pa naman mapawisan. As in konting pawis lang, hay nako ayoko na. BUT NO! Rain clouds will start to gather once again and buhbye sun. Then it will start to rain again. My jacket comes back to place and I will get to use my yellow umbrella once again. Just another rainy day...and it really sucks...big time.

Cellphone Incident

2005-12-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

Two days ago, I lost my phone for the first time in my life. It slipped off my pocket and I wasn’t sure where or when did it happen. The cellphone was very special to me for a number of reasons. I got it from my dad as a present when I passed the Ateneo College Entrance Exam. It was a Nokia 6600 and it was my dream phone back then. When I checked my pockets and my bag and found out that it was no where to be seen, a lot of things entered my mind. I did not know what to do or where to go. I wasn’t worried at all about losing the phone. In fact, I was more concerned about the messages and pictures it contained. It’s not that these messages and pictures had anything in them that would expose something bad or controversial about me. Instead, they were special to me because they contained glimpses of a very memorable and happy past. I felt like crying because for me, losing my cellphone was like losing a loved one. The thought of not being able to see my pictures or read my messages drained the life and happiness out of me. I felt hopeless. I felt dead…But NO. Fortunately, someone found my cellphone. He’s a friend of mine and he returned it to me the next day. Thank you very much Earl! and Robby too!

Enjoy Life

2005-11-05T19:58:00.000-08:00

Grabe! It was my first time to witness someone trying to kill himself! As in in the zone grabe! My family and i were like going home from market! market! when we saw the incident. We saw this guy na kala namin ay gusto lang mag-cross ng street. Hindi pala! He was actually walking toward the rushing cars! What was he thinking?! Nung malayo na kami, I said to myself, "Siguro deadsu na yun. May nakatama na siguro. Pero sana hindi. Ano kaya nangyari dun? Walang pera? Iniwan ng pamilya or baliw lang talaga? Eh hindi naman siya mukhang baliw kasi parang hindi naman. pero parang naiiyak siya or something..." What have I learned? I will never try to kill myself again dahil unlike me, other people have bigger problems. Hindi na rin ako magrereklamo about small things and be happy with what I have.

Fruits of Insomnia

2005-10-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

Cannot dream cuz I can't sleep...

Can't sleep cuz I can't get you out of my head...

Can't think cuz thinking only makes me want to be with you more...

Can't wish cuz I don't believe in shooting stars and the wishes they hold...

Can't love if we really were not meant to be since the start...

In the hands of a 12 year old...

2005-10-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

Let me put this entry short and simple. I was on my way home. I rode a tricycle with a kid driver. Since it was traffic, out tricycle went to the opposite lane (im not sure if opposite lane is the right term. let's put it this way. uhm, since it was traffic going downstream, our tricycle went upstream, against the rushing water (other vehicles)). Neway, because of this, we came face to face with other cars. However, a truck came "rushing in" so the boy kinda panicked and went back downstream. But there was another problem...there wasn't space anymore for our tricycle to fit. Instead, he bumped another tricycle and our tricycle shook violently. Hehe. As a result, one of my fellow passengers ( I can't remember him that much) reprimanded the boy for "going upstream" and cursed him for endangering our lives. Crazy boy...haha.

A Not So Good Day

2005-09-22T16:20:00.000-07:00

I feel: not so happy

Today wasn't a good day for me...I failed another Filipino quiz, I couldn't understand my math and I had a bad game during my P.E. class. I can't understand why I'm failing my Filipino subject when I was so good at it when I was in hish school. I can't understand why I couldn't get the lesson in Math a while ago when I was trying my best to listen to the teacher even if I was already lost. I couldn't understand why I had a bad game during P.E. when all of my games in the past were good games...And the unexpected encounter a while ago which could've led to something fruitful suddenly vanished as if it were a dream just because of a very stupid GOOD LUCK. If only I could correct all my mistakes in the past...

2005-09-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

i feel: happy

today was a good wednesday. i was already in ateneo by 6:30 am...as usual. English was fun. We didn't have the quiz for Pasyon and Revolution...i wish i was in the regular english class. i can't stand it in the merit class...(hehe) Lit was fun too. We started discussing Like Water for Chocolate...some say it's a good book...haven't really started reading it yet. It was good that Mrs. Perez spared us...we were supposed to have a quiz on the whole book...(sigh). But the best thing about today was that we didn't have Zoology class...It's always sooo boring and lifeless. But I still enjoy it because our teacher's soo nice and patient. By 11:30, I was free. :)

...

I took this Psych test last afternoon. I failed it. Hehe. Then I went back to the Doll House. Pow wanted to play DotA so i accompanied him. I didn't see Pobbes for the first time (because he's usually there). That's a good thing...I guess. Pow forced me to play, so I did. It was a nice game. I came in second place. (hehe) After the game, we immediately went back to Ateneo because Pow was so red and his body started to itch...allergies. We took a tricycle to xavier and he ran right away to the infirmary. By then, I was free...again.

...

I did not have anything to do so I decided to walk around the campus. But then, I saw Ralf(who was about to go home) so I accompanied him to his car. Then I saw Alan walking...pauwi na ata. He's always alone...I guess. Then I finally went to the computer lab beside xavier where I wrote the first entry of my new blog.